Caribbean Rim
by Thedude3445
Summary: After five years of pointless buildup, Caribbean Rim is finally here! Sheriff Madoka Kaname, along with her wife and other magical girl friends, must protect the Caribbean Sea from any and all threats- using giant robots, of course. UPDATES FRIDAYS
1. 始め - Chapter 1

**Caribbean Rim**

* * *

 **Author's Introduction:** Welcome to Caribbean Rim. It's gonna be funny probably.

GOOD REFERENCE GUIDE: I realized that, unlike on Archive of Our Own, which links the stories together, it is somewhat unclear what order to read my Madoka fan fictions in. so here is the official series order:

The Madoka Series, by Thedude3445:

Madoka in Mexico

My Big Fat Madoka Wedding

(One-Shot) Madoka's Birthday Wish

Once Upon a Time in Madoka

Kuttuskiboshi x Madoka Magica: Prelude to Caribbean Rim

So, it's highly recommended to read through these stories first because there's an actual continuity here and there will be multiple jokes directly referencing previous stories. Plus, they're kinda funny too, okay?

Also, since can't do images, if you want to see the Caribbean Rim Cover Image, go to imgur odoK5tB

Okay enjoy!

* * *

Chapter 1

Julia heard the taps on her door.

And then the scratches.

There was no more time to gather her things. She dropped the photograph of her mothers from her hand and sprinted towards the back door.

It was all she could do in this moment.

As she exited the door and leapt over her fence, she could hear the crashing of furniture and deep-throated yells from the voices behind was no way she could stop now. Not if she wanted to live.

Her heart raced, just as her feet did the same. How could such a world come to Julia's life... just one year ago it was unthinkable that this small Mexican teen would be doing anything except studying for her college entrance exams and pining over that boy Enrique in her sociology class. Could anyone have plausibly guessed she'd be running through the streets for her life, dressed hastily in gym shorts over her pajamas, carrying her entire life in the contents of her backpack?

Not Enrique, that's for sure.

His entire family had defected the moment the siege broke and Tempoal had been taken over.

Julia never knew she could even run this fast, for this long. She was certainly no athlete, and her weight wasn't exactly optimal after long nights of stress eating before tests. But she was still going. She had cleared the neighborhood, headed the first place she could hide out for long enough for her to think up a plan.

She needed to get out of the city. Maybe find her Aunt Lolita. But she didn't know where she was, or how to get there. Public transportation had been shut down for a week, and all vehicles in or out were being thoroughly checked anyway. Maybe there was an underground group funneling fugitives out of the city. That's what she needed to find out.

Just as she escaped from her pursuers, that was. If she took the next corner around the street and cut through the inside of the local library, she'd-

Two men slid out in front of her from a nearby floral shop and stopped her dead in her dash.

Not men, precisely.

They were male, but they were not men.

They were animals.

"Gotcha right there, little one," one of them said.

"We hit the payday, eh?" the other asked to the other.

Julia tried to escape but the two lunged at her and grabbed her arms.

It was over.

Moments later, armed soldiers, likely the same ones from her home, approached from behind. They were all ferocious, hulking beasts, made in the image of foxes or wolves, and wearing full combat armor as if they expected her to put up a real fight. Their leader, wearing an officer's uniform and adorned in medals, stepped out in front and gave a toothy grin/. His pelt was bright red, and his narrowed eyes glowed green.

"Julia Cortez-Hernandez," he said. "You are in violation of the sovereignty of the Furry Liberation Army. You are under arrest. Come with us." His glare was menacing, almost hungry. He was surely Raxus, the Furries' top political enforcer here in Tempoal.

They had captured after all.

She wouldn't escape this time.

It was only minutes before she, like any others, ensnared by the Furries, was brought out towards Red Square. Once, it had been the bustling social center of the city. But now, it was the destination for the Furries' devastating public executions.

This would surely be Julia's final moments.

She was dragged along the street, empty save for the occasional Furry Guardsman. Red Square was only two blocks away, and she could already hear the screaming masses, cheering on the latest deaths.

Julia gapsed.

"Don't worry, little one," said Raxus. "Your terror will merely add to the spectacle. Your death will be championed in the hearts of the many."

"Nah," a voice said, coming from above them.

Julia looked up.

There was a sombrero-wearing, pink-haired woman hanging from a light pole with one of her hands, and pointing at the group a pistol with a flower-engraved barrel.

"Nah?" Raxus scoffed. "And you are you to make such bold-faced comments to me?"

The woman grinned. "I'm Madoka Kaname, Sheriff of the Caribbean Sea!"

"Caribbean Sea? We're in Northern Mexico, that's nowhere near-"

Sheriff Kaname dropped from the light pole, kicked Raxus in the face, and fired her pistol at the soldiers surrounding Julia. Her gun shot out pink beams of light that pierced through their armor and promptly killed each of them. Smoke rose from their collapsed bodies.

"Violence and gruesome imagery, this soon into the story?" Sheriff Kaname asked. "I don't know about that, but I'm just waiting for the giant robots."

Julia was stunned. So stunned she could hardly move, let alone speak.

The Sheriff of Mexico- er, the Caribbean Sea now, apparently, had come to her tiny backwater town to save her.

Sheriff Kaname noticed Julia's tense emotions and tilted her sombrero up. "Ain't you got a voice, missy?" The question was certainly worded strangely...

She had heard of Sheriff Kaname's exploits over the past decade or more; Julia was barley in grade school by the time the woman in the pink sombrero had saved Mexico from Kiiko Kawakami, the monstrous psychic better known as Neo-Diablo by locals, but word had spread across the country to the point that she was encased in legend.

And the myths, Julia realized, were proving to be true.

"Okay, so silence is the way people greet each other around here, I guess..." Sheriff Kaname dug through the pockets in her frilly dress an pulled out a glowing pink-gold medallion. "Here. If you ever need help, just use this. I'll always be watching over you. Metaphorically, not literally. Literally would be weird. And I'm not weird."

Julia took the medallion. What was it?

"Take care," said the woman. She took a huge leap away, and was gone.

Wow.

Was Sheriff Kaname really here to save her city? Or was this a fortuitous coincidence as the result of mishaps and happy accidents?

She... really hoped it was the former.


	2. 始め - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Well, there she was. Madoka Kaname, the hero you'd all been waiting for. Savior of the waking world. Well, the waking Caribbean Sea. She was sobered up and ready to beat up a bunch of anthropomorphic hooligans.

"Boo! Bring back Kyoko!" One guy in the back of the audience shouted. "It was later when she was the only protagonist!"

"Hey! I'm totally the protagonist," Madoka whined. "My name's in the friggin' title. Well, not this one, but all the other ones."

Don't argue with the readers, Madoka. We have few enough readers left as it is. Especially when we advertised starting this story in June and it definitely came out in late July.

"Fine..."

Anyway, Sheriff Kaname had successfully infiltrated this city and completed the first phase of her cunningly-devised plan to take down the Furries' newest stronghold. Now just a block away from Red Square, and almost in place for her ultimate attack.

The Furries, too busy with executions and general fascist terror since they took Tempoal over a short time ago, had left a gaping hole in their defenses- they didn't see Madoka coming.

Okay so now... she was all set. A show trial for some political prisoners was currently taking place and Madoka wanted to blow this popsicle stand (actually a city, not a popsicle stand at all) before anyone else got hurt.

She summoned her soul gem and whispered into it, "I'm set, Sayaka. How are you doing?"

* * *

"I'm doin-" Sayaka took a shot of the good Mexican shit. "-just dandy."

"You sure sounded like you were drinking something," Madoka said.

"Nah, that's just radio interference."

"Okay then, Madoka out."

Remember when Kuttsukiboshi x Madoka Magica came out and everyone was a bit weirded by the subplot where Madoka had an alcohol problem that was only briefly foreshadowed and will probably only be sparsely mentioned from here on out? Sayaka sure didn't, thanks to one particularly-exciting post-pregnancy bender and a few too many forget-me-nows.

Maybe she should have become the protagonist.

Sayaka realized she had completely forgotten what her purpose in Madoka's probably-deviously-complex plan was supposed to be. But if she asked now, Madoka'd know about her indiscretions in imbibing certain substances on the job and probably get fired from the Magical Girl Squad. She totally did not deserve that maybe.

So she was just gonna improvise when the moment came.

"Hey yo, I'm in position I think," Sayaka said over the soul gem radio.

"You think?" Madoka asked incredulously.

"I am absolutely certain."

"Uh, okay. Crispina?"

* * *

"I'm here, obviously," Crispina said.

Here being inside Tempoal, near the shield generator station erected at the center of the city. It was the hallmark of any furry takeover, to block against nearly all attacks from the outside by shielding the entire thing, but it also prevented reinforcements from getting in except through the bridge (the same one they each snuck through just a couple hours earlier).

Crispina, dispensing with none of the shenanigans that had beset her two mission comrades, hid behind a conveniently-placed barrel and waited as she watched the furry guards patrolling the perimeter around the station.

She was ready as soon as the other two were.

That is, if they didn't mess anything up.

"I'm ready whenever you are," Crispina said.

* * *

Madoka looked down at the crowd of onlookers and smiled.

It was time to be a hero again.

(No mecha fights yet, but be patient!)

"Let's do this!"

She jumped, guns ablazing.


	3. 始め - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Sayaka threw a frying pan across the room and it hit a furry soldier directly in the head. He fell over immediately.

Two more soldiers tried to get the jump on her but she unseathed her katana halfway and both of them were instantly cut in half.

Because that's how reality works.

Honestly she still didn't know why she was doing any of this. As soon as Madoka said go, she threw a random dude next to her over the bar and had him slide down and knock over all the glasses. She giggled to herself just thinking about it again. Now it looked like a hundred furries a minute were attacking thanks to that hilariously-incited bar brawl. That was OK though; they were generic mooks with low-level stats and no chance of actually hurting her because in what story did a hero ever die to some random underling?

Anyway, whatever the reason for this mindless combat, she was sure it was of vital importance towards taking down the furries.

* * *

Madoka was glad Sayaka was here to serve as the distraction.

Half the soldiers in the area had gone to fight some blue haired homicidal maniac while Madoka's attack on Red Square had gone as swimmingly as... uh, a fish. The citizens of Tempoal were also apparently not too enthused with all the public executions in their marketplace district and were currently rioting against their furry conquerors.

Madoka approached an executioner, who was dressed in full BDSM garb and held a giant axe in hand.

He backed up. "Yo man, I... this is just a gig. You know, like when you play for a band that sucks just to boost your solo records?"

Madoka pulled out both her magic pistols and switched the safeties off. "As Sheriff of the Caribbean Sea, I am judge, jury, and executioner." She turned into Karl Urban for a second. "And I find you... guilty." She fired away, riddling (magic) bullet holes into the furry's body.

(Kyoko had been making Madoka watch a lot of movies and TV lately to "improve her taste" so be ready for an all-new all-different Madoka POV experience. Madoka might just pop out some obscure references to Game of Thrones or Avengers Infinity War! I don't feel so good... LOL! XD)

"Poor Sebastian. Oh how he represented the days of yore."

Eh?

Madoka turned around and saw a hulking, over-muscular horse furry that looked ready to star in an R-18 webcomic. He was, naturally, shirtless.

"Let me introduce myself," he said. "I am Lieutenant Maximov of the Furry Liberation Army. And I have come to liberate the people of this city. If you wish to impeded this process, I will be forced to end you." He flexed and all his muscles bulged under his skin. All of them.

"Well, I am Sheriff Kaname, judge, jury, and executioner of the Caribbean Sea, and-"

Maximov hurled his fist into Madoka's face and she flew backwards into a nearby wall, cracking the brick and steel behind her.

Thank goodness for soul gems!

"How dare you hit a girl!" Madoka shouted, balling up her fists and jumping at the furry.

"Hitting girls is perfectly acceptable, you sexist bigot!" Maximov shouted in return, blocking Madoka's blow and throwing her fifteen feet into the air. "It's [current year]. for Christ's sake!"

"Fair point," Madoka said just before crashing onto the concrete sidewalk, denting the pavement. When she came to and stumbled back onto her feet, Maximov was now wearing a bright pink ball cap that read, "Feminist and Proud!"

Ignoring that Maximov was literally subjugating and oppressing an entire people group right now, Madoka respected that.

She spoke into her soul gem. "Hey Crispina, are you... alright? Come on? Please?"

* * *

"Yeah, I'm here," Crispina said.

Thanks to distractions on two fronts, the shield generator was left practically unguarded, and Crispina need only have used her impressive and unmatched stealth skills to reach the generator room itself.

It was large, humming loudly, and rife for a dramatic explosion.

Within seconds, Crispina burnt the place to a crisp.

* * *

Slightly outside the city...

A giant robot stood, pink and bright and standing out immensely against the Mexican desert. It wore a giant sombrero.

The Mexi Avenger.

Inside the cockpit of that robot stood one hamburger-devouring woman, gazing at the furry-occupied city as she chewed on a burrito.

Kyoko Kaname.

She took one last bite of her snickers bar and gasped as she saw the shield generator dissipate. Immediately, her soul gem flickered as the communications jammer went down and she could again talk with her teammates inside Tempoal.

"Kyoko!" Madoka yelled through the soul gem. "This giant uncomfortably-sexy horse man is beating me up!"

"Is his name Bojack?"

"What?"

"Nevermind."

Conveniently at this same moment, Crispina used teleportation magic to enter the Mexi Avenger.

Not Kyoko's normal co-pilot, but perfectly acceptable nonetheless. She jumped to her feet and stood on the mecha activation platform. A flight suit materialized around her dress and locked into the Mexi Avenger's control systems.

"Let's rock and roll," Kyoko said.

"Let's do our jobs," Crispina said back.

Oh, fine.

They activated the Mexi Avenger.

"It's been a while since we've taken Mexi out to play," Kyoko said. "I'm ready to kick ass and take names, and I'm all out of names."

"Wh-" Crispina stopped herself from bothering to reply to her.

After a colorful anime activation sequence, they were ready to fight.


	4. 始め - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

With Kyoko and Crispina co-piloting, the Mexi Avenger stormed into the city.

Dozens of furry soldiers rushed towards the outskirts of town, guns ablazing.

The Mexi Avenger lifted its foot into the air...

And thud went the soldiers.

"This is fun. I'm actually having fun," Kyoko said.

Two fur-covered tanks rolled out in front of the Mexi and raised their cannons into the air.

"Okay, maybe we should avoid those."

So Mexi did one of those badass slide-crouch moves, ducking beneath the tank's cannons just before they fired, and then gliding on the street. It rammed into one of them with its feet. It flipped upside down and exploded.

Mexi picked up the other tank and chucked it clear over the horizon, never to be seen again except maybe in a spinoff gaiden chapter or something.

"Yeehaw!" Kyoko yelled uncontrollably.

"Are you okay, Kyoko?" Crispina asked.

"Yes, I am."

"I have to doubt that."

The defenses were now clear and the Mexi Avenger could pursue its primary target:

"Hey uh, Madoka?" Kyoko asked through Mexi's soul gem-infused computer interference.

"What? I'm kinda busy- agh! Getting killed-"

"What's the Mexi Avenger's specific goal here?"

"Save me!"

"Oh, I understand."

The Mexi Avenger walked down the street and ended up in Red Square, where Madoka was battling a ridiculously-muscular horse furry known as Lieutenant Maximov, and losing badly.

"Out of the way, dear," Kyoko said.

Madoka jumped out of the way. Mexi stomped on Maximov.

Squish.

Hooray!

Wait.

Mexi started to rumble. Its foot shook, and then lifted into the air. Underneath was a fully-intact Maximov, eyes glowing yellow. And he was growing.

"You dare think your simple machines can outclass the raw, unfiltered strength of a True Furry?" Maximov asked, his body embiggening until he was a third of the size of Mexi.

"Kyoko! Crispina!" Madoka shouted.

Now half the size of the mech, Maximov picked the whole thing up and loudly neighed.

He chucked the Mexi Avenger clear over the horizon, never to be seen again except maybe in a spinoff gaiden chapter or something...


	5. 始め - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

...Or just the next chapter. That works too.

The Mexi Avenger skidded along the ground, tumbling through sand and dirt and uprooting quite a number of innocent cacti.

"Oof, ouch, owie," Kyoko said as if she just chugged a can of bone hurting juice.

The mecha came to a stop, heavily damaged and buried in the sand. But through the power of Kyoko's and Crispina's sheer willpower they got back up and shook it off. "It" being the mecha's grievous wounds, not the sand. There's no way they were ever getting all of that out. Ever. The Mexi's sensitive areas would feel salty for the rest of time.

In the distance, stomping away from the city and towards Mexi, was a now-building-sized Lieutenant Maximov, hulking and flexing in a disgusting, provocative manner.

"You are no protectors!" he yelled, but because it was from a couple miles away it was too far to hear it clearly and they heard something more like, "Ear lobe tech hurts!"

"Maybe he has sensitive hearing?" Kyoko asked.

Crispina shrugged. "You know, we should probably attack him."

"Right."

The Mexi Avenger threw its sombrero and it whizzed towards Maximov so fast he could hardly react. It slammed into him, pushing him onto the ground, and flew right back into the robot's hand.

(Watch Captain America 3: Civil War in theaters May 2016.)

Maximov leapt right back on his feet and put his hand through his mane. "Impressive. Not shabby at all," he said. "But how about this?"

Maximov flexed his arm. He flexed it hard. So hard. So hard a piece of his bicep detached from the rest of his body and zoomed toward Mexi.

"Watch out," Crispina said.

They tried to maneuver out of the way but the bicep smashed into the mech and exploded in a blaze of kinetic enemy. Mexi toppled onto the ground, electricity knocked out.

"Crap!"

Systems were rebooting, but not very quickly.

"Yeah, crap." Crispina frowned even more deeply than usual. "Madoka, Sayaka, either of you planning on helping out anytime soon?"

"I'm kinda busy right now," said Madoka. "Literally hundreds of furries still in the city. Horse guy wasn't the last one or anything."

"I understand. Sayaka?"

...

...

She was probably doing something productive. Maybe.

"Well then, how are we going to avoid getting crushed to death in the next eight seconds?" Kyoko asked. This was surely someone's disgusting fetish, but for sure not hers.

"Let's wait for a deus ex machina," Crispina said. "Those usually come about now."

Maximov approached Mexi and looked down on the downed robot with feigned pity. "Oh dear, is this what I have wrought?" e followed this up with a piledriver, slamming his elbow into Mexi's cool chest-engine.

"I think we should go nuclear," said Kyoko.

Literally, of course. Years prior the entire planet was saved when Asuka Langley Soryuu Miki detonated her Eva unit and gave this series its first and hopefully only moment of legitimate emotional impact. If they did it here, though... that'd just be way too much drama.

"Actually... let's not do that, actually,# she said in a quick turnaround of opinion and in agreement with all parties concerned. "Let's actually defeat this son of a Seabiscuit."

"Alright. You know what I think we should do?" Crispina asked.

"Of course I do, I'm in your head," Kyoko said. It was literally true, considering their minds were connected as they controlled the mecha.

Both women raised their arms into the air and pointed forwards.

"Chest-cannon!"

The engine at the chest of the Mexi Avenger lit up and blasted a bolt of flame onto Maximov, pushing him off of it and giving it the chance they needed.

That was a completely ridiculous move, but it worked.

Actual Pacific Rim would never do something so silly, of course.

They each kept one arm in the air and a holographic sphere encircled them.

"Activate sword!"

On the Mexi Avenger's right arm, a giant hunk of sharpened steel extended forwards and a glowing laser solidified around it.

It sliced upwards, hacking off Maximov's own right arm.

"Yeowch!" he neighed.

"We got'em!"

After both of these injuries, Maximov reeled back and his eyes bulged. "You have brought me to desperate measures. I must perform my critical attack."

His mouth opened abnormally widely.

"Oh no, this isn't vore, is it?"

"What the hell, Kyoko?" Madoka yelled over the soul gem intercom. "Kids read this story, you know!"

"Madoka, nobody reads this story from any demographic."

"Will you shut up?" Crispina barked. "We need to counteract this, fast."

Maximov began yelling with great ferocity, his mouth open past the point of a broken jaw.

"What IS he doing?" Kyoko asked.

"I think I know," Crispina said. "He's preparing for a meme."

"I7m..." Maximov puffed up his chest. "FIRIN' MA LAZAR BAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA"

A giant beam of energy shot out from his mouth, directly towards Mexi.

"Block it!"

Mexi raised its laser sword and diverted the beam away. It deflected and began melting the sand on impact.

The sword was barely holding, and the beam just kept on going.

"What kind of victory could they pull off here?"

A fairly ludicrous one, that's what.

"Fire the toe missiles," Kyoko said. The mech followed suit, its structural support going dangerously thin. But a hidden cache of explosives still launched into the sky and impacted all over Maximov's one-armed body.

The beam stopped as Maximov collapsed onto the ground, crashing onto the surface that now primarily consisted of glass. It all instantly shattered, of course.

He let out one final neigh before going to the big yiff in the sky.

Whew.

That one sure was a hoot.


	6. 始め - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Half of the city had been destroyed.

Julia had been hurt by debris, her clothes ripped up in the midst of the battle.

But the Furry Forces had been defeated.

And she was happy.

Not long after the battle had settled, the Magical Girl Squad began to assist in the cleanup efforts, using their powers to move toppled cars off the sidewalks and to heal the injured, among other things.

It was like something out of a dream.

She had known well of the exploits of Sheriff Kaname and her team that had safeguarded Mexico for over a decade, and recently expanded their scope to encompass all of the Caribbean Sea. They were true heroes.

While Julia could never quite figure out why a group of Japanese women with multi-colored hair would be Mexico's protectors in the first place, she was very glad that they were. Their giant mecha was parked outside the city and currently shone over it like a pink beacon of hope.

In a better world, nobody would need these protectors.

But it was not a better world yet.

"Hey, it will be someday," a familiar voice said.

Sheriff Kaname herself.

"The look on your face is definitely saying, 'I'm contemplating the overall value of things, wondering if the world will ever get better and if there's any place for me in it.' Am I wrong?"

Julia said nothing.

"Well, we aren't accepting anymore teenage recruits, which is ironic as it is hypocritical, but.. I see that spark in you. The same one that brought me all the way to where I am today. So... maybe one day, if you're willing... Well, you'll know what to do. Just never lose that." She pointed to Julia's hand, which still held the glowing medallion given to her before.

Sheriff Kaname left to continue helping elsewhere, but her words remained.

Julia wasn't weak.

Nobody was, if they tried as their true selves.

Well, except for Sayaka, who was currently juggling her swords to impress the kids.

終わり


	7. Catching Up - Chapter 1

Caribbean Rim

Catching Up

Chapter 1

The Mexi Avenger, one of its arms disabled nd wires hanging all over its body, hobbled itself into the loading dock and lowered into the hangar bay where all the 猟師- oops, the Ryoshi- laid dormant.

Kyoko never got tired of looking out the viewport and seeing all those massive mecha sitting there, ready for use. And she better not have because these robots were a cool fifty billion each.

That was US Dollars, not Yen or Pesos.

Besides the bulky gargantuan Mexi Avengers, Madoka and Kyoko's personal bot, the Magical Girl Squad had several others ready to fight.

There was the blue-tinted Octavia Supreme piloted mostly by Crispina and Sayaka; its core was forged in the heart of a furnace deep within Mexico's biggest rave club. Because of that, it's powered by the transcendent and also very-hard-to-convey-on-the-written-page element of music.

there was also the Dynamo Gunbuster, a sunglasses-wearing warrior and rocking tribute to the era where anime still didn't suck yet, piloted typically by Nagisa Momoe and her husband El Guante the reformed villain. It was lightweight, zippy, and even had a friggin' cape to aid in its many aerial attacks.

Besides them there were two spares, the Shining Beacon and Stark Reality, usually used by trainees (none of whom ever stuck around long enough to become main characters anyway) or when one of the main Ryoshi were disabled. So it looked like the Stark Reality had a very fitting name right now, because the Mexi Avengers was about deceased, currently.

It was a beautiful sight though, all these mecha. These were what kept the entire Caribbean Sea (and the surrounding area, basically the entire Gulf of Mexico too) safe from harm. They were absurdly expensive and yet the only reasonable choice the Magical Girls Squad could have made in these troubling times.

"Good to be back," Kyoko said to her wife, currently piloting the mecha in the cockpit beside her.

"Oh, for sure," Madoka said.

Sayaka and Crispina were sitting in the passenger hold area, which was basically a couple chairs set up in the back duct taped to the ground. Sayaka was passed out and snoring like a baby.

They reached the boarding area.

There standing at the cockpit exit bridge waiting for the Mexi Avenger's four passengers to disembark (deplane? demech?) were the two driving forces behind the creation and maintainment of the Ryoshi Program- Marshall Stacker Pentecost of the United Planetary Defense League, at all times wearing his officer's uniform adorned with medals, and Nagisa Momoe, Chief Operating Officer of the Magical Girl Squad and wearing a sensible pantsuit. While Madoka WAS the Sheriff of the Caribbeam Sea and defender of justice, these were the two responsible for making sure she was able to pull it off.

Today they were not happy.

"What the hell do you think you're doing?!" Pentecost belted in his thick British accent. "You almost got the whole team killed!"

"We saved a city and destroyed a Furry Lieutenant!" Madoka yelled back.

"A Lieutenant? What, do you think you deserve a bloody commendation medal now or something?"

"Yeah, maybe I do, huh?"

Madoka and Pentecost stared each other down. This was a very typical exchange between these two, erm, strong personalities.

Kyoko still got out the popcorn though.

Nagisa stepped in between the two. Being a Japanese woman living in Mexico, she towered above most of her companions at 6'3, but Pentecost still stood a bit taller. And of course they were both nearly a foot-and-a-half taller than Madoka herself whose growth appeared to have stopped by age twelve at best.

"You two don't have to fight," Nagisa said. "We can make a logical, rational analysis of the entire skirmish-"

"By looking at what you girls did to my dear Mexi," Pentecost interrupted.

"It'll be fine," Madoka said.

"In two months, maybe, What if the Furry Liberation Army attacks Mexico City again? What are we going to do then?"

That was not a likely option. While the FLA started out in a strong blitz in the beginning of their attacks, their forces were defeated in any and all open combat situations. Since then they have been focused on insurgency, taking over cities and trying to convert their populaces to the Furry Way, even if by brutal force.

But they had been growing stronger as a result. If they were ever to attack... it would be intense.

"We will deal with that situation accordingly," said Nagisa, with more than a hint of perturbedness in her voice. Girl ain't like getting interrupted, y'hear? "For now, Marshall, these four just saved a city and deserve some rest before they get grilled at the next debriefing."

"Fine."

"And Sheriff Kaname, you had better prepare for the grilling of a lifetime tomorrow."

"Yes ma'am..."

Nagisa started out as something like Madoka's assistant. Now she was more like the school principal. Who'd have ever thought cute little Nagisa would grow up to be the ruthless corporate type? At least her hair was still ong and pretty, Kyoko thought.

Sayaka, who was still dazed from being asleep and also all those drinks back at that bar from before, leaned over to Kyoko and whispered, "Am I ever going to get to say anything this chapter?"

"Not if you don't have anything useful to exposit to the audience," Kyoko replied.

"Uh," Sayaka turned to the camera. "I have a son named Asumaru. I'm raising him all by myself since Asuka bit the dust. He's like, nine I think."

"Thanks, Sayaka."

Okay, might as well end the chapter here. No point in dragging this out any longer, right?

"No wait!" Kyoko yelled. "We didn't get to go over Madoka's-"


	8. Catching Up - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

It was back at the Magical Girl HQ, not too far north of Mexico City, where Kyoko began to realize she was losing touch with the youth of today.

She first began to have these thoughts when she walked by the training room, where she saw a few of the newest magical girl trainees doing warm-up exercises. Because most of the girls only stayed here a few weeks before returning to their home Kyoko usually ignored them (yes, the UN did accuse the Magical Girl Squad of running ideologically-charged vigilante camps and planting sleeper agents across the world, but that was a story for a different time), but this time something struck her as odd, so she had to take a look. After the warm-ups were finished, each of the couple-dozen girls sat down and began using their smartphones. Nobody was talking to anyone else!

Now, Kyoko was clearly not one obsessed with smart technology, since she nor any other member of her team had ever used one in any of these stories so far- fucking fact check me and prove me wrong- but she did understand the appeal of them. Being able to look up clips of Minerva Mink at the touch of a button certainly had its appeal. But to ignore camaraderie and friendship to value apps instead? Well... that was more criminal than the time Kyoko threatened a McDonald's employee because they didn't have the Shamrock Shake.

Kyoko, deciding she really wanted to know what was up with all this, stepped closer to the trainees, up to two yellow-haired girls from Ethiopia who sat back-to-back as they typed away on their phones.

"Yo, what are you guys doing?" Kyoko asked.

they didn't immediately respond, and that set her off. "Hey, I'm talking to you two buttercups." Buttercups, really? You're going for a hair color-based insult? That's low, even for you. "I wasn't asking you, Narrator." Suit yourself then, Hot Tamale. "I actually kinda like those candies. Anyway, ladies! Look at me!"

"Yes, Deputy Kaname?" one of them asked after lethargically pulling her head away from her phone screen and towards her commanding officer. Everyone has priorities.

"What's gotten into you all? It's like your phones are suddenly more important than your training."

"Actually, Deputy," the girl said. "We're focusing on our training right now. We're talking about that big match between Miku and Davi yesterday in the group chat."

"...Group chat? What's what?"

Kyoko was only thirty.

Sure, she'd been married to Madoka for over fifteen of those and already had given birth to a child, but she was a millennial through and through. Getting out of touch this early was sending her into something of an existential crisis.

She was really craving some Hot Tamales now.

"You aren't in any group chats, Deputy Kaname? How do you and your teammates communicate outside of missions?" She stood up and shoved her phone. There was a huge chatlog of messages from all sorts of magical girl trainees, past and present, and it looked like a new message was popping up every thirty seconds. "We keep up with everything here by talking about it on the chat." For a group dedicated to organizing and training there sure did seem to be a lot of silly animated GIFs of sassy people snapping being posted.

"And you guys are... all in this chat?" Kyoko asked.

"Yep." She motioned to the twenty-something other girls all sitting and using their phones. "Well except for Becky over there," she said, referring to the girl with long blue hair sitting off in a corner of the room by herself. "She said Darling in the Franxx was a misunderstood masterpiece, so we're excluding her from everything."

Oh, kids these days...

Maybe thanks to getting exiled to Mexico and getting married at age fourteen on a whim Kyoko didn't get to experience some of the same youthful flights of fancy so many teenage girls got to go through, which in this instance was a large clique-ish online chats that bully on an anime-themed basis.

"Can I join?" Kyoko asked.

The Ethiopian girls turned to look at each other and then to her. "Uhh... yeah... sure?"

"Oh wait, but I don't have a smartphone yet."

"Oh, well then... uh-"

"Don't worry. I'll get one faster than you can say, 'Not My Star Wars, Reeeee!'"

She was sure these girls thought her joke was very funny, and they were only not laughing because they were engaged in stimulating text message discussions.

"Sorry I'm late everyone."

Hey, it was Madoka. Kyoko forgot that she was substituting for El Guante this week while he recovered from back surgery. Who knew having machine guns for hands could weigh someone down so much?

She was wearing some sexy gym clothes and her hair up in a smoking-hot bun. If they weren't here in the middle of a room full of teenage girls, Kyoko'd waltz right up to her and rip-

Ahem.

"Hey, Madoka," Kyoko said in a completely unassuming manner.

"You usually come here to the trainee gym," Madoka said. "Is there anything going on?"

"no, not really."

"Oh, so you're just trying to help me out and get on my good side?" she winked and slyly smiled.

"Oh... uh, well, I'm going to be pretty busy today."

Madoka leaned in closer to Kyoko and said, "Please."

"Wha?"

"These girls are so bad. Were we this sloppy when we were teens? How did we even survive? I can't teach them."

"Uh honey-"

"Shut up." Madoka was crying, as she was extremely prone to do. KKyoko wiped the tears from her eyes. "oh, I'm sorry, it's just... I'm so glad we have the Ryoshi Program..."

"I'll help you out, don't worry," Kyoko said, now ensnared by the power of guilt.

"Thanks, Kyoko..." Madoka took a step closer to Kyoko. "After work, I'm going to tear into you so hard you won't- Ahem."

Both of them were blushing, and the dozens of girls in the gym around them were starting to stare.

"Okay girls," Madoka said. "We're going to start our lesson today on the Law of Thermodynamics and how they no longer apply in cases when..."


	9. Catching Up - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

Five PM.

Time for... the weekly debriefing.

Kyoko enjoyed it back when these meetings were monthly and were mostly about complaining about how few magical girl recruits were any good. Now they were about mechanical design approval processes and statistical performance reports and acquisition proposal management...

Maybe this was just another part of growing up.

When she was fifteen she had a rockin' time beating up witches and committing robbery and meeting Don Patch from Bobobo bo Bo Bobo at the flea market. Now that she was thirty, all her time was spent worrying about things like a genocidal army of furries hell-bent on taking over Mexico, and making sure the Caribbean Sea would be a safe and prosperous place for her kids and grandkids and beyond.

Now, don't get her wrong- Kyoko wouldn't change a thing about how her life had played out. Madoka was the best thing to ever happen to her, and their daughter Makoto was the light of her life. And the Magical Girl Squad did a tremendous thing in their work, reducing the crime rates in most parts of Mexico and Central America to near-zero.

She just wished her life was a bit more... zany.

"kyoko, do you have an opinion?" Nagisa asked.

"I agree with Madoka." Her default answer to unknown questions.

"Honey I haven't said anything yet."

Shit.

They always held these meetings later in the afternoon because Sayaka was so bad about arrive to work early (or at all, depending on her previous night's activities) (rhoufgg, back when it was monthly Madoka also too had trouble being wwake in the early mornings, but she was also rarely sober in those days (of course, that's Sayaka's problem too most likely) (not trying to be a judgmental person or anything (especially after dealing with the issue with her wife), since it was a serious problem and not one to joke about)(okay even Kyoko enjoyed dark humor now and again (that was an understatement (a big one))). Now, SHE was the one that had trouble paying attention during meetings. She'd always think about these way cooler things she could be doing, like fighting villains (such as the heinous Venom, from the Spider-Man series (though he was more of an anti-hero), or at least-

"Kyoko! Are you going to introspect all day or are you going to let this story actually proceed?" Crispina asked in a rare display of fourth wall-breaking anger. "Oh my Haruhi..."

"I feel like my private life has been needlessly elaborated on," said Madoka.

Even Madoka had turned on her...

"Let's just ignore her. That's what we usually do," said Sayaka. there were murmurs of vague approval.

Stacker Pentecost stood in front of the others, his eye twitching at all the nonsense going on. "Well, if Miss Kaname here-"

"Mrs.," Kyoko and Madoka said in unison.

Aww.

"If Deputy Kaname here counts by default as a yes, then the majority has it."

"Wait, you haven't even asked me," said Sayaka, just kidding, it was Madoka, obviously.

"I don't have to," Pentecost said. "I already know your answer, and we've outvoted you."

"Well, I'm the Sheriff, and I veto you."

"Two-thirds majority."

Kyoko looked around the room. Sayaka, Nagisa, Crispina, Pentecost, Madoka, and... herself. Wait, she didn't vote yes yet! She should vote with her wife. Except... "Okay, seriously though, what are we voting on?"

"Whether or not to commission the Stark Reality for active duty and hold open tryouts for two new spots on the team," Madoka said. "You know how I feel about this."

"Yeah. You told me, 'That's how we're going to win. Not fighting what we hate. Saving what we love.'"

"What? No, I told you, 'Kyoko. These new guys really suck. We can't use them.'"

"Then who was I quoting?"

"Uhh... Who ARE you quoting?"

Nagisa chimed in. "Why, Rose Tico from Star Wars: The Last Jedi, of course!"

"Oooooohhhhh," they said in unison.

"She's great," said Sayaka.

"I know, right?" Madoka was giddy with glee. "If we ever do a crossover with Star Wars, we've totally got to have her on here."

Pentecost was perturbed. "Regardless of whether or not any of our trainees are ready, we mus thold tryouts. Even if our future teammates must come from outside the magical girl establishment."

"What? No! That' even worse," whined Madoka. "We'll lose all our Magical Girl Defense Fund backing."

"Well, you don't see General Takamichi picking up the ringer, now do ya?"

"She won't even reply to my e-mails, even if I put 'URGENT' or 'TIME SENSITIVE' on them..." Nagisa said.

"Exactly. We're on our own now." Pentecost stood up, which always meant the same thing. "Nobody's going to help us but us. Which means the Magical Girl Squad, the Ryoshi Program- we're the last line of defense against the evils that threaten to end the bloody world before us.

"It was nine years ago when Kiiko Kawakami, the Neo-Diablo, attacked out universe. We had luck on our side, but we very nearly got our knickers handed to us. Now, with the furries breathing down our necks with their tyrannical snouts, pillaging villages and ruining the safety of those we have pledged to protect, we have our greatest weapon, Mexi, damaged in a single skirmish. We're down to two Ryoshi to protect the entire Caribbean region. We can't afford that.

"Maybe it's fine for now. Maybe we can protect everyone with what we've got. But what when the furries send another building-sized soldier our way? What when they send five? And that's nothing on if the witches return When that day comes we have to be prepared-" He pounded his fist on the table- "to throw our metal on the line!"

Everyone but Madoka cheered.

She just crossed her arms and stuck out her lower lip.

"Even you?" she asked Kyoko.

"It was a very convincing speech."

That did not seem to please her one bit.

"Fine. I don't like it but do what you want. But if we choose someone bad we could lose a Ryoshi for good and poof goes the entire program."

"That's why we'll pick someone good," Nagisa said. "Or, two someones I guess."

The requirement that the Ryoshi be operated by two or more pilots to function was a super annoying one. Counting the currently out-of-commission El Guate, there were six people trained and able to fight in these mecha- Pentecost apparently had extensive Ryoshi experience as well, but something about his tragic backstory prevented him from doing so anymore. But since they had to work in pairs to share the mental and magical load of a Ryoshi's power, they could only have three mecha out at a time.

A fourth would be infinitely useful. Kyoko understood Madoka's reluctance, but it really would be for the best. Kyoko wondered-

"We told you to stop introspecting," Crispina said.

"Sorry."

"Well, if all else fails," Sayaka chimed in. "We could always revive Mami Tomoe and use her somehow, or something."

...

...

...

"Well, if nobody has anymore feedback or concerns to address," Nagisa said. "Then this meeting is adjourned."

Madoka stretched her arms and put one around Kyoko's shoulders. "Well, time to go home."

"You're not... upset at me?" Kyoko asked.

"Only professionally upset. You're still my little honey bear."

"I'm not honey nor am I a bear. I'm a decabear of honey at the very least."

"Let me hit on you, Kyoko. I'm trying my best here."

Oh yeah. Kyoko had almost forgotten. For helping out with the trainees this morning. "I hope I know what this means."

"I sure hope you do, Mrs. Kaname," Madoka said, putting her free hand on Kyoko's thigh. "It means-"


	10. Catching Up - Chapter 4

Chapter 4

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH!"

"Oh come on, you're not even going to try it on? Fine, be that way!"

Kyoko stormed out of Makoto Kaname's bedroom, fuming. "You ungrateful little brat," she murmured.

Makoto bought this dress herself, you know. She thought it'd be perfect for picture day at school. She said so herself. And now she refused to wear it because Esmelda in her first grade class says floral patterns shouldn't be worn after Labor Day, despite that holiday fashion trend being an entirely American concept, and like... whatever.

That purple-haired little demon.

Sometimes...

Madoka was sitting on the couch flipping through the channels on her remote and munching on a slice of pizza. She was only on her second slice, while Kyoko had already completed her second box. Oops, three, she realized as she looked down at the empty box in her hands.

She was stress eating.

"No luck, huh?"

"I don't get it. Normally she's so calm and sweet, but..."

"She's seven," Madoka said. She flipped the channel and landed on one of those game shows where people fake being annoying couples in public to try and win prizes, or something. "She's trying to fit in with her peers and it's tough when you're a Japanese girl in the public education system and you get really annoying girls like Esmelda."

"Esmelda sucks."

"And you know both of us are busy all the time, so we can't be there as much as we should, and that's probably starting to upset her more as she realizes it."

"That's... oddly insightul, coming from you," Kyoko said.

"What's that supposed to mean?" Madoka play-hit Kyoko on the thigh. "Come on, why don't you sit down, big momma?"

...Egh. Ick.

"Number one," Kyoko began. "Don't ever use that nickname to me or anyone else for the rest of time. Number two... let me put Makoto to bed" If she was as rowdy as a few minutes ago, well... Kyoko birthed her, and she was willing to kill her as well.

(Not really. Geez, take a joke.)

"Oh fine..."

Kyoko went back upstairs into her daughter's bedroom, where she was looking at herself in the mirror while trying on the floral-pattern dress. And crying.

She got that from her other mother.

"you look nice," Kyoko said.

Makoto sniffed. "Everyone's going to make fun of me and hate me."

Kyoko grabbed Makoto and picked her up. 'Do you get made fun of in school a lot?"

"No."

"Has anyone ever said anything mean about your clothes before?"

"No."

"Do you like this dress you bought?"

"Yes..."

"Then it sounds like there's only one thing your little self needs to do."

"What's that, Mom?"

"Go to bed and wear that dress to school tomorrow!" Kyoko set her down on her bed and kissed her on the forehead. "Goodnight Makoto."

"I'm not that tired yet," Makoto said.

Kyoko pulled out the covers from underneath her and placed them over her. "Yes you are."

"Mom... are you trying to put me to bed early so you and Kaasan can do kissing?"

...

"Uh, no. I just want your pretty little face to get up on time so it can be bright and shining for tomorrow morning!"

At this, Kyoko bolted out of the room and closed the door before anything else could be said.

She came back to the living room where Madoka was STILL only on her second slice of pizza. How? kyoko had already finished off four boxes!

"She's asleep," Kyoko said.

"And I'm about to be if you don't get over here," Madoka said. "This show isn't very good."

"Gess what isn't either?"

"Not the pregnant lady about to be torn apart by her mistress?"

"Right. Er, wrong? I don't know." Kyoko confused herself.

By the way.

That's what Kyoko was trying to introspect about earlier.

She sat down on the couch and rest her head on her wife's lap. "Y'know, I wonder how Makoto will handle herself when the little one comes."

"You mean how she'll act when she isn't the center of attention anymore?" Madoka laughed.

"Yeah. Well, she'll adjust. Everyone does when they have younger siblings."

"Oh, speaking of," Madoka said. "Did I tell you about Tatsuya?"

"Did he decide where he's going?"

"Yep. Georgia Tech University. In America."

"America?!"

"I know, right? Now what are Mama and Papa going to do with themselves?"

"Probably he same as they always do... Raise your kid brother."

Madoka rolled her eyes. "Yeah... I'm sure one of them will up and move to America with them, the way they've treated him."

"Oh, I meant Ken."

"...Crap."

yes, Madoka's mother had a third child when Madoka was twenty-one, Tatsuya was ten, and she herself was fifty-two. Crazy, huh? Her child was the same age as Sayaka's son Asumaru! Kyoko and Madoka visited them all twice; once before Kyoko got pregnant with Makoto and another time when their daughter was in diapers. So it had been a long while since they had seen Madoka's family.

After what happened with Kyoko's family and her canon-compliant backstory, she always felt like she had nobody to turn to; it made getting exiled to Mexico in the first place easier, but once she and Madoka were married, she really started to get closer to the rest of the Kanames.

Especially cute little Tatsuya, who was a friggin' adult now!

Ken Kaname was kind of a brat, though.

Made Makoto's behavior tonight look like she was as calm and composed as JFK during the Cuban Missile Crisis. To be more specific, JFK during X-Men First Class when all the mutants were battling each other and the nukes were extremely close to being launched just to blow them all up.

Also.

Before you ask- there was no freaky soul gem magic involved in either Kyoko nor Madoka's pregnancies. Both perfectly planned out, taking one cell from one parent and transforming it into a sperm cell to be artificially inseminated into the other parent. Fancy science stuff.

Same-sex reproduction is awesome!

And speaking of same-sex reproduction... "Madoka, you ready?"

"Yeah, after I finish this slice of pizza."


	11. Catching Up - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Kyoko, still laying on her wife's lap, rotated her body and turned her head upwards to look at her face.

"Anyone ever say you look as sexy as you ever have?" Kyoko asked.

"Just you..."

"Good. I mean, good in the sense that I get to have you with no pangs of jealousy for anybody else pining you even if it's petty to feel that way, not that it's good nobody... compliments you..."

"Oh, I still get compliments," Madoka said. "But the drunk-at-3 AM Danbooru commenters usually talk about how sexy I was back when I was a 'teenaged loli goddess' or whatever."

"My Haruhi, you still look at your own tag on imageboards?" Kyoko asked "You've never told me that before."

Madoka's cheeks flushed red.

"I thought I was the only one," Kyoko said.

"I... I can't look away. It's like a head-on collision between two oil tankers."

"Or those scenes in John Carpenter's The Thing where the alien is transforming and growing fleshy bits and stuff."

"Yeah... that... Can you believe that, nearly a decade after our show and five years the movie, a majority of my hentai fanart is dudes putting their things inside me? In what possible universe am I heterosexual, or even bisexual for that matter?"

"I mean, The Rebellion only heavily implied my gayness," Kyoko said. "But you? Damn I wish you could braid my hair like that."

"Oh, do you want that? You've never asked before?"

"Not really, but it'd sure be sensual, wouldn't it? With the glowing orbs of light floating up around us and stuff."

"Oh, come on!"

"What?"

"Sorry, it's the show. One of the contestants just HAPPENED to steal a half-eaten pie off a busboy cart and toss it at her fake partner's face. Totally staged."

"I think it's about time for this show to be over with," Kyoko said while massaging Madoka's thigh.

"Yeah, it should totally be cancelled."

"Madoka..."

"Just kidding. Are you ready for some passionate lovemaking?"

"You bet I am! I'm as ready as a symbiote ready to latch onto someone and sap their energy, like Venom, from the Spider-Man Series!"

"Whatever that means, I'm ready for you to do that to me," Madoka said. She tried to growl like a lioness, coming off more like a perturbed house cat.

"No furry stuff," Kyoko said.

"That's not what I- dammit. Furies really do ruin everything."

"Just about."

Madoka pushed Kyoko off of her and made her sit up. They started kissing, like with tongue and stuff. They tried wrapping their arms around each other but in their current position on the couch that was a bit awkward and they had to move around a bit to make it work.

"Ah, yeah, a little over there, and- oof." Madoka accidentally smashed her hand on the TV remote, turning the volume way up and switching the channel to HBO, which has an upcoming season of the hit TV comedy/drama Ballers coming next month (AT&T pls sponsor this chapter)!

The channel was blaring. " He's happy to see me. Every time. Every day. Now, I can either save him... or let him die."

Kyoko saw the TV and her ears started twitching with curiosity. "Hey, this is Shape of Water, the Academy Award-winning romance movie by director Guillermo del Toro!"

Madoka turned the power off on the TV and tossed the remote aside. "Enough of this! Do me already!"

"But... that's a pretty good movie," Kyoko said. "Wait, that kinda counts as furry stuff too."

Guillermo del Toro was absolutely insturmental in the development of Caribbean Rim and would surely be mentioned in Thedude3445's acceptance speech for Best Comedy Series, Long-From, at the 2019 Fan Fiction Awards, but he had no place in the love lives of these two Japanese women.

Not even on roleplay night.

Madoka and Kyoko continued to kiss, Madoka unbuttoning Kyoko's top and locking her legs around her waist. She then slipped off her own T-shirt, the really comfy Hidamari Sketch one she usually wore to bed.

Kyoko really hoped one topless girl wasn't enough to push the story into a Mature rating.

"I've been waiting for this for so long," Madoka said in between kisses.

"What? It's only been five days."

"Shut up and ravish my body."

Kyoko REALLY didn't want to leave their really comfy T-rating spot.

But she was also incredibly aroused.

Buttons undone, she let her shirt fall to the floor. Madoka moved quickly to undo her bra from behind her back.

Kyoko kissed her on the neck. "I love you."

Madoka let out a soft groan. "I love you too."

Kyoko's bra slipped off her back and onto the floor, synchronized perfectly with Madoka's panties slipping down and hanging off of her left foot.

Then there was a rattling sound in the kitchen.

They froze.

Crud.

Madoka wrapped herself up in a nearby blanket while Kyoko put back on her button-up shirt.

Yep, right in the kitchen was Makoto in her pajamas, holding a glass of water.

"Are you... okay?"

"I heard a loud sound from down here, so I went to check it out," said Makoto. "Then I got thirsty."

"You know there's a sink upstairs if you need it..." Kyoko said.

"The kitchen tapwater tastes better than the bathroom tapwater."

"They're the exact same- okay, honey. Let's go to bed now so you can be ready for picture day tomorrow."

"Wait, let me say goodnight to Kaasan." Makoto went over to the couch and sat her glass of water on the coffee table. "Goodnight, Kaasan."

"I love you, sweetie," said Madoka. "Have a good night."

"Give me a goodnight hug."

"Uhh..." Madoka looked at the blanket wrapped around her naked body. "How about a goodnight kiss instead?"

Instantly, tears welled up in the girl's eyes.

"Momma, Kaasan doesn't love me!" Makoto yelled.

"That's not true," Madoka said. "That's not-"

"WAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHH!"

"Three goodnight kisses!" Madoka quickly moved in and pecked her daughter on the forehead and both cheeks. "Three! Isn't that awesome?"

"Y..Yeah," Makoto sniffled. And then, just as quickly, her demeanor shifted entirely. "Well, goodnight Moms." She took her water and went back upstairs.

Kyoko approached the couch from behind, where Madoka let go of the blanket and pulled her underwear back on.

"That was mortifying," Madoka said.

"Tell me about it." She came over and sat back on the couch next to her.

"Can we settle for a shoulder massage?" Madoka asked, with a hint of bitterness in her voice.

"Will do..."

Kyoko turned the TV back on and flipped it to a different channel, where a new episode of Yuruyuri Season 11 was playing, and began rubbing her wife's shoulders.

Another night in the Kaname household...


	12. Catching Up - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Madoka and Kyoko exited the changing room dressed in their shock-absorbent Ryoshi pilot armor, as well as matching sombreros.

"Ready to rock?" Kyoko asked.

"Damn straight," Madoka replied.

they entered the spectator room, where all the magical girl trainees and the entire Magical Girl Squad were gathered, minus Sayaka who had to do some school field trip chaperoning. Even El Guante was here, albeit in a wheelchair, and missing the signature machine guns that made his character really pop.

Stacker Pentecost, dressed in his officer's uniform as always, greeted the Kanames with a courteous and efficient nod. On the other side of him were their soon-to-be-opponents, Crispina and Nagisa.

"Now this is only a training match," Pentecost said. "But I expect everyone to be at peak performance today. No holdin' back."

Madoka and Kyoko held hands. In the past couple days they finally had, in fact, been able to, erm, "sync up", so their mental and physical connection was strong and incredibly powerful. It's too bad they were going to have to use the Stark Reality since Mexi was still under repair. The two of them practically treated that mecha like their own personal love hotel.

Wait, no. Not THAT kind of love. Not in a gross way. Like in how they used the machine's neural interface to grow closer to one another and keep their marriage at the rock-solid emotional level it always would be. Not at all like a brain sex thing. Probably.

Madoka stepped forwards and extended her hand. "I look forward to facing you two on the battlefield."

"Yeah, it's going to be fun," said Nagisa, shaking her hand.

"We're going to crush you," added Crispina.

Kyoko narrowed her eyes and grinned, flashing a fang.

"Now get to your Ryoshi and show us what you've got!" Pentecost shouted.

They quickly scurried off into their respective mechas and loaded in.

Madoka and Kyoko placed their soul gems onto the magic amplifiers to activate the machine.

The Stark Reality roared to life (but not in a furry way), its chrome plating glittering against the spotlights above.

"Initializing projection mode," Stark's computer synthesizer voiced.

Beyond the loading dock and on the other end of the observation platform was a gigantic expanse of dirt and shrubs- the practice arena. The Stark Reality flickered into existence, its translucent projection appearing in the arena and ready for combat. Crispina and Nagisa's Ryoshi, the Octavia Supreme, appeared as well.

Isn't it wonderful what amazing feats the power of the Soul Gem could accomplish? They barely tapped into them and could already power a robot and project its form a football stadium's distance away. Extremely conveniently, too, for the premise of this story.

"Let's start the neural link," Madoka said.

Kyoko started to remember her thoughts from earlier and got a little embarrassed. "Uh yeah, let's do it." Wait. "Perform the neural link, I mean."

They stepped onto the control platforms, and~~~~~~~~

Wooooooooshhhhh.

It's hard to convey in text form but imagine a bunch of memories and emotions flowing around in blue-toned bursts going so fast you can only process it after two or three rewatches.

Actually I do own the Pacific Rim novelization in paperback form. Maybe next time I'll use it as reference for how to write one of these "in the drift" scenes.

Not this time though.

"Cool, we're connected now," Madoka said. "That went very well. Hey- wait. Kyoko... Why that crap were you thinking about... wow."

"You must be imagining things."

"You're so gross, Kyoko."

The Stark Reality was now synchronized with its two pilots, who were now synchronized with each other.

The pair they faced off against, Crispina and Nagisa, was no match for this level of compatibility. While Crispina's open-book policy allowed her to effectively neural-link with practically anyone, she also excelled with nobody. And her personality clashed so much with Nagisa's that it was unthinkable that they could really pull off a good combo.

Narratively, when someone talks down about an opponent's skill it typically results in the complete and utterly-surprising defeat of the overconfident party. It's the Law of Jackasses Getting Comeuppance, or more colloquially referred to as Frieza's Paradox.

But this time it was just true.

Octavia charged at its foe, bass-pumping EDM surging through its metal body. However, as its fist extended into a punching motion Mexi side-stepped the attack and grabbed Octavia from the side.

Mexi headbutted Octavia.

Twice.

It let go and Octavia reeled backwards, stumbling around for a moment before-

POW!

Mexi roundhouse kicked it to the ground.

It wasn't even a fair fight.

Octavia burst into flames... and its projection faded away.

Madoka and Kyoko high-fived from inside the cockpit, but Mexi just seemed like it was clapping its hands.

From inside the observation station, Pentecost was crying.

"Beautiful," he said. "Beautiful."


	13. Catching Up - Chapter 7

_A/N: This week I started a brand-new fan fiction based on the brand-new internet meme, "The Glory of Bowsette". It definitely means I'm selling out, but it also means that there's another story full of ridiculous silliness for you to read if you like Caribbean Rim! And... if you're this far into Caribbean Rim then surely you like it. Why else would you be reading this?_

Chapter 7

The Miki Residence (technically the Langley-Soryuu Miki Residence, but please don't make me type that every time) was lively this sunny afternoon.

While Sayaka was in her kitchen making some lemonade, Madoka laid sprawled out on the couch and Kyoko sat on a chair with her legs kicked up on one of its arms.

A real nice day to relax.

Over in the side yard garden Makoto was out running around with Asumaru, Sayaka's nine-year-old son. Seeing as the Mikis subsided on a diet mainly consisting of Flandre Burgers at McScarlet's... well, it was good the boy was getting some exercise.

That wasn't to fault Sayaka for anything- being a single mom who also worked full-time saving Mexico and the rest of the Caribbean Rim from evil, she didn't have enough time to raise her own son with the utmost of health concerns.

...Besides all the time she spent on drugs and alcohol... But that was supposed to be a comical character trait, so it should be ignored...

Sigh.

That's what Kyoko was talking about when she said the zaniness of her life had waned since she grew older.

Being a manic alcoholic party animal when you're a 14 year old girl is a source of comedy but when you're a thirty year old mother, it's a source of drama. Oh how the times change.

Kyoko really hated it when depressing real life stuff interfered with what should be funny and insensitive comedy.

Well, anyway, Kyoko was one to talk about eating poorly, tossing two mochi balls into her mouth at this very moment. She still had the metabolism of a rabid chipmunk, though, and with any hope she'd remain that way the rest of her life.

Sayaka came over to the living room with a pitcher of lemonade and some plastic cups (recyclable and reusable, of course! Do your part!). She poured a glass for Kyoko, and she immediately gulped it down with the power force of a vacuum sealer.

"That's pretty good, Sayaka," Kyoko said. "What recipe did you use?"

Sayaka smiled blankly for several moments. "...Recipe?"

Madoka over on the couch groaned. "Being pregnant suuuuuuuuuuucks." She put her arm over her face and continued making an annoying deep-pitched yell.

"Have some lemonade," Sayaka said. "It'll make you feel better."

"No, I'd just feel sick to my stomach. I already feel so 'egh' about everything right now. You wouldn't understand."

Sayaka and Kyoko looked at each other, and then back at Madoka. "We do," they said in unison.

"Oh fine," Madoka said. She sat up and sipped on her glass.

"Hmm... this is actually some really good stuff. What'd you put in this?"

Sayaka once again seemed to freeze for a moment. "What'd I... put?"

Makoto and Asumaru darted back into the house and scampered up to Madoka.

"Aunt Madoka, look what we found!" Asumaru presented to her a quivering little furry animal, "A mini-chupacabra!"

"A mini-chupacabra!" Makoto parroted.

Look at that poor... chipmunk or whatever.

"Oh, Asumaru," Madoka said. "That's not-"

"You better put that baby back, you two," Sayaka said. "If you mess with a chupacabra's child, the mother will hunt you down to the ends of the Earth!" She even started wiggling her fingers.

The two children's mouths dropped open and they ran back outside to return the woodland creature to its original location.

Madoka giggled. She was so adorable when she giggled. "Your parenting tricks certainly are effective," she told Sayaka.

Sayaka took it in stride and posed with her hands on her hips.

...Oops. Kyoko had just finished off the entire pitcher of lemonade.

"Oops," Kyoko said entirely genuinely. "I guess you'll have to make some more, huh? What a shame. It's too bad I can't follow your secret technique and make my own-"

Sayaka put her hands to her face and yelled, "Alright! I admit it! It's store-bought! Fine, are you happy?"

...Oh.

Sayaka ran off crying loudly, leaving Madoka and Kyoko alone.

Which was always nice.

"I'd like it if my hormones weren't raging out of control at random arbitrary frequencies. What did you do to cope with this garbage?"

"Honey, I'm sure you remember," Kyoko said. "I ate. I ate a lot."

"I... I remember now. Those were..."

"Dark times, yes."

Dark times indeed.

Mexico's Great Junk Food Famine of Seven Years Ago... It devastated the North American snack stocks and plunged the world into a churro-less existence for half a year.

And she didn't regret it one bit.

"Well what do I do? I'm not an unstoppable hunger vortex like you," Madoka whined.

"Watch trashy reality TV and yell at the screne when the characters do despicable, awful stuff?"

"Already on it." Madoka picked up the remove and turned Sayaka's TV on to "School Counselors: Miami Beach Edition."

A lot had changed in the fifteen years since she joined the Kaname family. They created an organization to train magical girls worldwide; they faced off against an inter-universal psychic psycho; they started piloting giant robots and faced off against furry terrorists; and most importantly, Kyoko and Madoka had been given a wonderful daughter, with another on the way.

Kyoko sometimes missed the wacky antics that used to constantly pervade her life. But life was still mostly the same; she still had Madoka, Sayaka, and all the others. And that was enough.

And then the Chupacabra burst through the window.

It roared. "WHERE IS MY CHILD?!"

終わり


	14. MADOKA'S 30TH BIRTHDAY SPECIAL

MADOKA'S THIRTIETH BIRTHDAY SPECIAL

"It's my birthday? Whaaaaaaaaaaaa?"

Yes indeed it is, Madoka Kaname! You're thirty years old, and your birthday is October 3rd, just like it always is!

"B-but... Narrator, how did I get to be THIRTY?! I thought I was fourteen like, just two stories ago!"

You have a bad sense of time passing, Madoka, but I know how you feel. It feels like yesterday that I was an ethereal voice floating in the void waiting for someone to call on me and select me as their own. Now, I'm the narrator for Caribbean Rim, an ethereal, omniscient being that can read the thoughts and feelings and see the actions and struggles of everyone in the entire universe! That's neat, huh.

"Well, thanks for letting me know..."

"Honey, who are you talking to?"

"Uh, no-one! No omniscient beings here!"

Madoka was laying in bed, talking to me, but I'll stay out of this now. So Madoka was laying in bed resting up after a really long day fighting the Furry Liberation Army out in the desert. She really didn't understand how they existed like they did; they had tanks and lots of guns and superpowered Furry Generals who could punch holes through mountains and other dumb shounen stuff, but they were fighting in the Caribbean region mostly. Shouldn't they have been like, pirates or something? Why were they some well-funded militia group? Who was paying them?

Ah, anyway, thinking about that made her muscles ache. Madoka knew she'd be pulled from the field soon when she got too pugnaciously pregnant, so she was trying to do what she could as best as she could but... It was a bad idea. Don't let her do that anymore.

Her wife entered the bedroom. In a huge shock, she was carrying a huge tray filled with all sorts of breakfast items, and set it up where Madoka could eat... breakfast in bed! Yeah!

"Dude!" Madoka shouted. "I can eat food while only being in a partly-upright position? This is mega crazy."

"Happy birthday honey," Kyoko said.

"Wait just a second!" Madoka's daughter came running in too, carrying a large heart-shaped card with some stick figures on it based on her new hit comic book series, "Adventures of the Robot Girls." She tried selling the comics at her school for ten pesos each but the teachers always got mad at her and confiscated them. Madoka thought it was just good business sense.

"Wow," Madoka said. "All three of the Robot Girls wish me a happy birthday? I'm so proud of them."

"I do too," Makoto said. "You're so old now!"

Eek.

"Makoto, don't say that," Kyoko chided. "Just because your old woman here is entering her fourth decade of existence doesn't mean she's old. It just means she's growing up in a new way." Kyoko giggled. "Anyway, let's sing happy birthday, the non-copyrighted version."

But Madoka didn't listen to them. Her heart only broke on the inside as her very being shattered within her.

She was thirty.

The entire universe that had seemingly revolved around her-it WAS the Madoka Series Universe, after all-had suddenly passed her by. No longer was she a precocious teen with a somewhat-skimpy outfit and a somewhat-scatterbrained school life. She was a somewhat-old woman with somewhat of a family.

The time had slipped by. Somehow twenty years passed and she never even knew it. Holy darn.

Let's go back in this mental calendar of hers and see what the Kaname life was like.

Her first decade was relatively simple, as first decades usually were. She was born, started growing older, got into box cars for a couple weeks until she realized she didn't like building them. She went to Mitakihara Public Elementary No. 108, got a few friends, had her first kiss (with a boy; she didn't know yet). She read _Creamy Dreamy Cheery Goldy_ and all the other great shoujo manga of that era (the best era of course), went to the library a lot, and enjoyed school. Sayaka became her best friend and they stuck together forever.

Her second decade was where things started getting interesting. She got her first period at ten, which seemed way too early and freaked her out at the time like she had some weird disease. And then she went to middle school and had her first couple girlfriends, you know, this and that... that and this... and bam she met Kyubey, Mami, Homura (except she was actually just Kyubey in disguise), Nagisa, and of course Kyoko, who she never got to know too well before she was exiled to Mexico.

And then at age fourteen she travelled to Mexico to stop Sayaka, who had turned into a witch. Under no inclination of her own. she became the Sheriff of Mexico, saved her friend with the power of friendship, got engaged to Homura, found out her fiance was a shapeshifting space alien, and then married Kyoko on a whim because they already had matching sombreros anyway. The rest of the decade was pretty much like that.

Her third decade, though? Man, what a life. She started the Magical Girl Squad to protect Mexico and the Caribbean Rim, got in a lot of fights with eccentric villains like Galahad the Conqueror, who was a surly British man always in fancy suits that shot poison darts for fun and... it's a whole thing, we don't have to go into it. She travelled to an alternate universe and ended up accidentally summoning an extradimensional psycho lesbian to their universe and almost having reality be wiped out. And then she and Kyoko had their first child Makoto, and the Ryoshi Program started.

It's like... everything started to change when she was fourteen. Man, if she hadn't accepted Kyubey's offer to become a magical girl, she would probably still be in Mitakihara City right now, doing... something. She would have never come to Mexico, she would have never married Kyoko- she would have probably never even met her. No giant robots, no universe travelling, no giant bears of honey.

Madoka was now entering her fourth decade of existence...

What would become of her after that? After thirty years, she had become this confusing mix of eccentricity and femininity, motherhood and badassery... Madoka Kaname was an enigma even to herself.

"Madoka, are you okay?" Kyoko asked.

"Huh?"

"You've been staring at your food for like, twenty minutes. It's going to get cold if you don't eat it."

"Uh, oops."

Madoka ate her food, which was very good as Kyoko was an excellent cook somehow, but she was still stricken with the thoughts that she had no idea how this kind of life of hers had ever come to be, how so many ridiculous events could lead to such a strange, short woman becoming who she was.

She took a walk in the park not too far away from the fort, a place where she could collect her thoughts and sit on park benches watching the sky. When she and Kyoko were younger, they used to come out here all the time to lay in the grass and watch the stars for a while, and usually make out too.

Kyoko already turned thirty earlier this year, but she sure didn't seem to have any major existential crisis along with it. Why was Madoka going through the same thing? If she had just read the previous story arc where Kyoko reflected on how much her life had changed since the events of "Madoka in Mexico" she would have realized how similar their lines of thought had become, but since Madoka was not omniscient like me, she was only able to sit in wondered amazement at the fact that she was now twice the age she once was, having spent a majority of her life in Mexico at this point. She might even have to add Mexican to her identity. She was... Japanese-Mexican. Not just Japanese. That was so uncanny and strange.

"Oh, what am I going to do in my life, sky?" she asked the sky.

"Don't ask me that," the sky replied.

Oh, how her life had declined...

Or ascended, maybe...?

Agh, it didn't matter! Madoka was old and weird now! Her hair was probably going to start thinning and she'd have to start dyeing it pink because it was going to start going gray in a few places, but she bet that since Mexicans were a reasonable society with normal human genes they didn't even SELL pink hair dye around these parts. She'd have to special order it from Japan and pay all the extra shipping costs and that'd basically be like a really small, really annoying Mystery Box Subscription for the family every month, except that it would just be hair dye and not really a mystery, and she would rarely ever get a free t-shirt that she never wanted to wear. To add to this, it was very clear that Madoka was burned by her service history with Blue Apron and would not recommend them to anyone.

What was her purpose in life though, really? She'd already gotten married and had a kid with another on the way. Was it just motherhood, at this point? Did she need to live a surrogate life through her children and also protect the Caribbean region from Furries and stuff? Was her own life, her own character arc complete? Was she... a minor character now? Even if her name was in the title?

Okay, gotta admit now that Homura was always the protagonist of the Madoka animes, not Madoka. Of course all that The Rebellion crap ended up being completely non-canon to the true timeline (the Madoka in Mexico timeline) but Madoka knew to call it when she saw it, and she really was a secondary character in her own story as far as the source material went.

They had saved Homura from that other universe, even if she was a brooding teenager who called herself Neoakemi and had weird Cybernet powers and pretty much abandoned the Magical Girl Squad as soon as that whole Neo-Diablo business was finished. Was... SHE the main character, then? Or was Kyoko the main character since she had the highest percentage of POV chapters? Or, did. In "Kuttsukiboshi x Madoka Magica" she didn't have any POV chapters at all, so it probably balanced out more in favor towards Madoka, honestly.

Was she the main character of her own story, was her big question. This may have been the very thing that other popular series main characters with more popular side characters always asked. She bet Amuro was really jealous when Char got a car commercial, or when _Duck Dodgers_ became the best Looney Tunes show of all-time and didn't feature Bugs even once. Madoka was like Michaiah from _Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn_ , and Kyoko was like Sothe, who was just way cooler and more popular in every way and also not a total Mary Sue like she was.

Madoka's crisis had gone too far past the fourth wall at this point, so it was time to introduce some conflict into this story so that it didn't feel like TOO much of a complete waste of time to read it.

Suddenly, a villain appeared in front of Madoka, ready to strike. He was a dark purple, with a long, lashing tongue and eyes like white fire. His grin was massive and filled with digital computer graphics that cost way too much to justify the budget.

"Holy... crap!" Madoka shouted. "It's Venom, from the Spider-Man series!"

"Mwahahahaha! You're correct!" Venom, from the Spider-Man series, cackled. "We've come from afar for one singular purpose, to destroy you, Madoka Kaname!"

"Wait, what? Why? What did I ever do to you?"

"You insulted our very being! You ruined our lives! You cast us into oblivion, reached in to get us out, and then pulled out your hand just before we could latch on!"

"...Eh?"

"You left a bad review on _Spider-Man 3_ on Rotten Tomatoes back in 2008!"

"I was like, ten years old then or something!" Madoka tried to add up the time and her mind started boggling again. "Actually, I'm really confused about the timeline here and what year Madoka in Mexico is actually supposed to take place because I was fourteen then, and I'm thirty now, so it's been a little under sixteen years since then and... uhh... Yeah, I have no idea what year it currently is supposed to be. Let's just go with 2018 and say that Madoka in Mexico took place in... 2002? What? But wait, Mitakihara City was pretty advanced and had a lot of high-tech infrastructure and our middle school was really fancy in a way that a high school would never have been even in the year 2011 when the anime came out, so surely it took place in the near future, except that there was a calendar shown in the series itself which suggested that the story took place in April 2011, or any year corresponding with 2011, so it would be something like, 2022, 2033, probably not 2039 because that was just a little too far, but... this whole thing about leaving a review for _Spider-Man 3_ would be useless if I was just a zygote and egg cell at that point."

"Agh! Just shut up!" Venom, from the Spider-Man series, shouted. "We were just hired to be your special villain for today so you could be happy in defeating an easy boss for your birthday! Geez!"

"Wait, really? You're not ACTUALLY here to kill me for writing a bad review?" Madoka asked.

"Yeah. But not anymore. This ain't worth it. Tell your wife I said see you at Thanksgiving." Venom, from the Spider-Man series, left as quickly as he came, leaving behind only a notecard advertising his new movie releasing on October 5th. It's called Venom, and it's being produced by Amy Pascal and Avi Arad, two of Sony's highest-ranking producers.

Kyoko would do this all just for... her? Awwwwwwww...

Madoka, suddenly cured of her existential crisis mode, ran back to the fort and... realized how tired she still was from all the fighting she did yesterday... and then walked the rest of the way.

As expected, Kyoko and Makoto were looking out the window trying to see the park with binoculars. Madoka caught them in a surprise behind hug because they didn't seem to realize that Madoka had already left the park. "Guys! Dudes! I love you!"

The three girls all giggled and laughed and had a jolly good time. "Thank you so much for hiring such a badass, toyetic, marketable villain for me to fight! It was the best birthday present ever!"

"Aw, it wasn't nearly as good as the life-sized cake of myself you got me for my twenty-fourth," Kyoko said.

"I liked the Bratz doll pallet you got from a wholesaler last year," Makoto said. "I like Bratz dolls so much even if my friends at school say they look like nightmare creatures."

The Kaname Household was caught in a warm and tight embrace. Even if Madoka felt like the sands of time were slipping away and she would soon be caught in middle age before she even knew it, she had no doubt that these were the two girls she wanted to spend that middle age with. Also the fourth child that was still in the womb but let's wait and see if she wasn't some devil in disguise or something first.

This was the best thirtieth birthday ever.


	15. Do You Remember? - Chapter 1

Chapter 1

Kyoko was at the local grocery store. The name of the store was going to be an anime reference, but there didn't seem to be any animes set in a grocery store for some reason, so this grocery store would remain nameless until a good enough joke came upon it.

Let's see what they needed today...

You know, basically the entire previous story arc was about Kyoko's reflections on how much her life had changed in the past fifteen years since she married into the Kaname Family [oops and then Madoka's 30th Birthday Special was the same thing but more in tune with Madoka's eccentric personality traits], so she was very reluctant to share this, but... Somewhere along the lines, Kyoko had learned to love to cook. How weird? She spent her entire life eating ravenously and stealing junk food out of convenience stores. Now that she had a family to support, though, she actually started to enjoy making food that took ingredients and preparation and care. It was a very inefficient use of her time-to-calories ratio, but having food that tasted not like garbage was... actually nice.

So let's look at that list of hers and see what she wanted to cook:

-Eggs.

-Addendum: Get Lots of Eggs

-Sack of Onions

-Sack of Potatos

-Sack of Carrots

-Sack of Cocoa

-Curry Sauce Salt Block Things

-Pork Cutlets (Katsu) But Bread It Yourself So Buy the Breading Too

-Ume

-Some Salmon

-Extra Powerful-Brand Soy Sauce

-Ya Probably Shoulda Gone to the Asian Grocery Store, I Bet You Didn't Though, Did Ya

-Yep, I Knew It. Ha, Future Self. Just Get Out and Drive the Extra Fifteen Minutes So You Can Actually Get All the Stuff You Want Without Having To Improvise and Explain that To Your Wife and Child Why You Are Using Tomatoes In Your Sushi Again

-You're Not Going To? Wow. Okay Then, Tomatoes

-Tomato Paste

-Spaghetti Noodles

-Spaghetti Sauce, At This Point, You Lazy Hag

Wow, uh... Kyoko really didn't remember writing any of this stuff. Or why it was all capitalized. She was, uh, starting to feel a little bit guilty about coming to this grocery store when she really could have just gone to H Mart and picked all the stuff up to make Katsu Curry. But yeah she was totally just going to improvise it, as she always did. It was cooler that way. To the tomatoes!

...Wait.

Why was there a life-sized Mr. Potato Head standing in the middle of the canned vegetable aisle? Was this one of those Monopoly tie-in giveaway things again?

No... this was different.

The Mr. Potato Head turned around and delighted at Kyoko's presence. "Oh, hello there! Remember me? I'm from _Toy Story_ , and your childhood favorite toy! Or, if you were a true patrician, you might remember my short-lived TV series on Fox Kids! Wanna come with me?"

"Uh... Huh? Hah?"

Mr. Potato Head smiled and his mustache fell off. "Whoopsie Daisy! Ha, remember how those slight defects in your toy made playing with it just a little bit more difficult than you would have liked? So many memories, Ah..."

"What?"

Kyoko was starting to get really freaked out. She looked around to the other customers in the grocery store and realized none of them were moving. They were standing, staring, swirls coming out of their eyes, very vague smiles forming on the edges of their lips.

"Eh?"

She started to step away towards the front entrance, when she saw two more figures enter the store. One was Bumblebee from Transformers, but the Gen 1 version that was still blocky and harder to get transformed. The other was Wacko the Animaniac. Wacko by himself, with Yakko and Dot nowhere to be found.

"Don't you want to come with us?" Wacko said in his weird slightly-British accent.

Kyoko needed to run. And fast. Something was terribly wrong.


	16. Do You Remember? - Chapter 2

Chapter 2

Kyoko had run for so long now.

Running away from... whatever the hell all those creatures were. They had seemingly taken over the entire grocery store, hypnotizing everyone inside, but... to what end? And more importantly... how?

She really wasn't interested in sticking around to find out for herself.

Instead, she had run all the way back to the fort to make sure that Madoka and Makoto were safe. That was the first time she had run like that in... a long time, so... geez she was tired...

She flung open the door to the fort and shouted, "Madoka! Makoto! Are you okay!"

Her wife and daughter were sitting on the couch watching TV and barely took notice of her existence.

"Guys?" she asked.

Madoka took one looked at Kyoko and grimaced. "You... didn't get the groceries..."

"Oh, I... crap."

She left behind all the foodstuffs when she was running from her life from... cartoon characters. Okay, now that she was planning to say this stuff out loud it didn't exactly sound plausible, not like if a pack of roving furries had invaded and pillaged the place. Now that would be serious.

"I got attacked by a Furry General at the grocery store," said Kyoko in an obvious lie.

「だよね、」 replied Madoka. She hardly made a glance her way.

She saw completely through her lie. But what she wouldn't see through would be... the truth.

...the one that Kyoko was absolutely not admitting at any cost.

"I'm just gonna... go over there..."

And because it had been over five minutes since the last time Kyoko had eaten anything, she realized she might as well make a frickin' sandwich or something.

But... they were all out of bread. And there was no lunchmeat to be found in the fridge, not even three-week-old-bologna... This was the worst thing ever. She didn't even have either of those things on her grocery list though so it's not like she would have them anyway, right...

Ah, man. Today was turning out to be the worst. How come-

A hidden figure burst through the window near the kitchen. The glass shattered and crashed all over the floor, which made it extremely dangerous to walk around in and would be a real chore to vacuum up after this was all over and stuff.

The figure revealed themself, even though Madoka and Makoto were still watching TV instead of paying any attention to the home invader.

It was-

Patrick Swayze, late star of action movie hits like _Red Dawn_ and _Road House_ , as well as steamy romances like _Dirty Dancing_ and _To Wong Foo, Thanks for Everything, Julie Newmar_!

Oh noooooooo!

"Guys! Help!"

"Kyoko, what are you- Shit, who is that?!"

"The... the hunkiest man to ever grace the silver screen!" Kyoko said with fear in her voice. She could feel the unceasing grip, the attractive pull of memories past.

Madoka grabbed her arm and began pulling her away. "Let's get out of here!"

"But... Madoka... Patrick Swayze was one of Hollywood's brightest stars..."

The man smiled with a tough-yet-vulnerable look, and said, "If you want the ultimate, you've got to be willing to pay the ultimate price. It's not tragic to die doing what you love."

Oh man...

But before Kyoko could fully snap into the evils of nostalgia, Madoka and Makoto pulled her away. They were running again. And Kyoko still hadn't gotten anything to eat...

"What was that?" Madoka asked.

"I... I don't know. The real reason I left the grocery store was because... THINGS like that were possessing all the people inside. It's... really scary."

Madoka put her super-serious face on. "Then as the Sheriff of the Caribbean Sea, it's my duty to stop these things, once and for all!"

Little did Madoka Kaname know, though... that nostalgia could not be stopped with force alone. She was about to wage a battle that she could not win.


	17. Do You Remember? - Chapter 3

Chapter 3

They reached Sayaka's house a short time later, thinking that it was the best place to hide out and plan out the next move.

"Sayaka is probably asleep right now," Madoka said. "On off days she usually passes out around ten in the morning, sometimes eleven, so if she's awake now it means she's either drunk or she got on an obsessive binge of reading Yuri mangas on Dynasty Reader.

"Man, I know exactly what you mean," Kyoko said. "That site has so many good comics, and even though they're all translated into English so it's a bit inconvenient for a Japanese reader like me, I still love to go through the stories."

"Have you ever read the story _Wife and Wife_?" Madoka asked. "It's about a contemporary lesbian couple in Japan living in a domestic partnership, a makeshift marriage, and the trials that come with moving in with your lover and making a new life together."

"So it's like our autobiography. Except that gay marriage is legal in Mexico because Mexico isn't a shithole like Japan so we don't have to have a makeshift marriage, just a real one."

"Yeah, exactly," Madoka said. "Have you ever gotten stuck on Dynasty Reader going through every single doujin for a couple you like?"

"Like NozoEli?"

"Exactly the one."

"It's a bit embarrassing. You'd think reading fluff-filled fan comics for hours on end would be a complete waste of time, and yet..."

"And yet..."

"Wait, what are we talking about again?"

"I forget. Let's actually go in Sayaka's house so we can plan on how to fight nostalgia."

In all of this, Makoto was extremely confused about her mothers' conversation.


	18. Do You Remember? - Chapter 4

**A/N: if this website blows up to due the exploit/virus thing going around and I lose everything I posted in the past few months, I'm not reuploading it or anything else that disappears. So this is a fair warning: if you're reading this and enjoy it, make sure to put the Archive of Our Own version of the story in your bookmarks just in case!**

* * *

Chapter 4

Sayaka was not asleep, nor was she binging yuri mangas... but instead she was currently preoccupied with her television set, staring straight forward as if some major world event were currently happening. And so was Asumaru, and with his attention span that meant it couldn't be anything other than cartoons, right...?

"Hey, Sayaka," Madoka said. "Sorry we're barging in like this. It's no trouble, I hope. You know us though, just trying to borrow your sugar even though your house is several miles away from ours and separated by an inhospitable desert. Just mommy things, am I right?"

"Not the smoothest you've ever been," Kyoko whispered.

"Shut up."

It didn't matter, because Sayaka wasn't making much of a reaction anyway. In fact, she wasn't even smirking at the television with slight condescension as she usually did anytime she looked at pretty much... anything.

Her expression was completely blank.

"S...Sayaka? You okay bro?" Kyoko asked.

Sayaka turned her head and looked into Kyoko's eyes. "Oh, hi there, friend," Sayaka said. "I was just catching up on an old childhood classic, _Mister Rogers' Neighborhood_. Don't you want to sit down and join me?

"Oh, yeah, I really like all those PBS stalwarts like Bob Ross and Mister Rogers and I'm pretty much always up for- Oh, no." Kyoko caught herself falling into a nostalgia pit. "I... Sayaka, this isn't like you. You... you need to stop watching this stuff. We're not Americans who grew up in the 80s or 90s. We don't know anything about _Rubik, the Amazing Cube_ , and certainly not about our top five members of Limp Bizkit. Though man, Fred Durst is as least at number three there. You guys remember- NO! Madoka, stop!"

Madoka had gone over to the couch near Sayaka and was staring at the TV. Her expression had finally gone blank herself.

"Madoka... Wifey... Fu-fu... Answer me!" Kyoko shouted.

"Hey, do you remember Sailor Moon?" Madoka asked.

"Yeah, the Sailors who totally did not show up for the wedding even though we spent weeks tracking down all their current addresses? Even Nagisa and Honoka showed up and they somehow couldn't be bothered. Disgraceful, man."

"I mean the cartoon," Madoka said. "Isn't it interesting that the DiC dub of the series censored a lot of elements? They flipped certain shots when characters were reading books so that they would go through the books left-to-right instead of right-to-left. They made Sailors Uranus and Neptune cousins even though they were making out offscreen in almost every episode. I think that the world of cartoons has changed a lot since we were kids."

"We were hardly born when that cartoon came out!" Kyoko shouted. "And I thought you guys were watching Mister... Rogers... huh?"

Kyoko stepped around at the TV and saw what was playing-

A static screen.

Nothing but static.

And yet- Kyoko smiled.

She started to have fond memories of her favorite childhood cartoon, _Megas XLR_.


	19. Do You Remember? - Chapter 5

Chapter 5

Makoto was very confused about what was going on. Her mothers, Sayaka, and Asumaru were all sitting there staring at a blank TV screen, and none of them were smiling or talking or doing much of anything.

She tapped Asumaru on the shoulder a few times to try and get his attention but it didn't work. Usually she was able to make him do what she wanted by saying really mean and hurtful things to him, but she didn't want to do that with a bunch of moms around.

Not only did it not work, but Makoto was starting to get seriously bored, and she knew that the more bored she got, the more likely she was to start crying and pitching a temper tantrum, which would also get her in trouble.

"A-su-ma-ru..." she whined. "Come play with me. TV is boring."

"Makoto, don't you remember when we were kids?" Asumaru asked. "We watched _Barney & Friends_ all the time. Wasn't Barney so silly? Not very educational at all."

"What are you talking about?" Makoto asked. "I'm confused..."

There was some banging against the front door. None of them answered because they were all fixated on the television set, but Makoto ventured over to take a peek at who might be entering. Hopefully it was Mrs. Momoe, because she really liked her. She was really fun.

But before Makoto could reach the door, it was kicked down by force. Several brightly colored, inexplicably happy figures emerged and began stumbling forward. She shrieked and cowered behind Kaasan.

Makoto, being a seven-year-old Japanese-Mexican girl, did not recognize any of these monstrous-looking beings advancing towards her, but an acute viewer would surely recognize them: among the group were Binya Binya the yellow monster dude from _Gullah Gullah Island_ , Rotor from _Sonic the Hedgehog_ , both of the SWAT Kats, C-3PO with rusty silver plating from Attack of the Clones, and Wario but with his deep German accent from the Nintendo 64 games. The group was large, and they were about to seize the five of them with ease.

"We'll take them, we'll keep them," Rotor said.

"They'll fetch a high price on the nostalgia market," said C-3PO, his classy British accent not appearing whatsoever and being replaced by that of a greasy used car salesman. "We oughta milk some more out of them first."

"No need," a voice from afar said.

"Yes, we much need," said the German Wario.

"You won't be taking them, or anyone else," the voice said. "Your reign of reminiscence-based terror has ended."

Just then, another figure crashed in from the window, someone Makoto didn't recognize at first either. She looked like a magical girl, though- she came complete with a black, white, and gray uniform, but she had her hair cut in a bob and had a shining red eye.

Wait... was this... Nope, Makoto had no idea.

Still, it looked like she meant business- she was currently wielding two machine guns.


	20. Do You Remember? - Chapter 6

Chapter 6

Neoakemi Homura was here, and she was not going to let herself fail, not again.

As soon as the monstrous beasts realized that she had entered, they turned their gazes in unison towards her, and away from the ones held captive in this house by whatever magical spell this all way.

"I've gotten four cities cleaned out this afternoon alone," Neoakemi said. "You'd better say your last words now."

"We don't have last words," one said. "Our existences begin and end with memory, and memory is eternal."

"That's what they all say."

She fired her machine guns and obliterated about four of them, running her guns until they went dry.

Instead of reloading she simply cast them aside and pulled out her cyber weapons- a holographic disc and a translucent red bowcaster. She tossed the disc into the crowd of automaton evils, decapitating a Darkwing Duck and then exploding to destroy each of the Three Blind Mice from _Shrek 1_. She took care of the rest by firing her bowcaster at the remaining foes, killing most of them.

When they died, they left behind no remains, no blood or clothing or anything to ever signify their existence. Instead, they simply dissolved into atoms. This was how Neoakemi identified which were monsters and which were merely Furries. So far she had only killed six Furries today.

Now that they were all gone, Neoakemi could rest easy. She disappeared her cybernet weapons and took a deep breath.

The young girl with purple hair, the only one still not affixed to the blank television screen in the living room, looked at her with eyes of deep appreciation. "T-thank you, miss," she said.

Neoakemi wasn't good with children. She wasn't sure what to say... so she simply gave a small bow and prepared to leave-

Another one of these creatures landed right in front of her, in between the girl and herself. He was a cyborg ninja, holding a katana backwards in his hand and crouching a little bit.

"Name's Frank Jaegar," he said. "Gray Fox."

"...And?"

"I'm from Metal Gear Solid. Remember me? I bet you've always wanted to spar with me. I'm so cool that you put poster of me up on your wall when you were a kid. You drew fanart of me and Snake kissing. Come on, wanna fight?"

Neoakemi raised a holographic pistol to his head. "No."

Bang.

He, too, dissolved instantly.

Neoakemi then shot the television set, breaking its screen, and bowed to the purple-haired girl again. Her eyes were sparkling.


	21. Do You Remember? - Chapter 7

Chapter 7

"Really, I mustn't stay..." Homura began.

"Nonsense!" Kyoko shouted. "You gotta have some tea. You saved our lives, so you deserve that much!"

Sayaka was off complaining to herself about how much it would cost to repair her window and door, without sensing any of the irony of the fact she caused immense property damage to the Kanames' fort over the years.

Madoka was sitting across from Homura, trying to give a smile, but it was a bit awkward when Homura was staring at her intently.

She knew a lot about Homura's past from the stories she had told her after the battle against Kiiko Kawakami was over. Homura had been trapped in an endless loop of time, unable to break out and change her fate until her universe's demon, Gyuhey, had granted her a second wish, one so powerful it completely changed her powers... and made her a ticking time bomb to eventually transform into a magnificent monster with the power of a hundred witches.

She also knew that that universe's Madoka was killed in battle before the two girls could live a happy life together. And that that death had propelled Homura's path for the rest of her life.

It was a lot sadder than any Madoka parody fan fiction had any right to be.

"So, uh, how'd you find us?" Madoka asked.

"I've been tracking multiversal anomalies recently," said Homura. She flicked her wrist and several images appeared, floating in the air as holograms. They showed all sorts of nostalgic figures from the past- Geno from _Super Mario RPG_ , Saiyaman from _Dragon Ball Z_ , Britney Spears... it was a smorgasbord of memories for a specific age range. "A huge flux of 'nostalgia zombies' arrived in Mexico the other day and had been taking over the minds of pretty much everyone around, whether or not they were actually fond of things like _Mucha Lucha_ or _Ozzy & Drix_. It didn't matter because they were sucked into it anyway. I was only immune because I'm not from this universe."

"Do you know... why they were doing it?"

"Not yet. But I'm going to keep searching until I found out. I killed off most of the creatures but if there's any stragglers, they could be very dangerous. That's why I need to... go." Homura stood up and brushed off the magical girl uniform she still hadn't transformed out of. "Thank you, Kanames, for your hospitality."

"Really, you can stay," Madoka said. "I mean, long-term and everything. We have a guest room if you need, and if you're hurting for work, the Magical Girl Squad could always use an extra expert like yourself."

But Homura shook her head. "My place is on the road, on the streets. I'm sorry."

And just like that, she stepped out the door, summoned a holographic motorcycle, and sped off towards... somewhere.

Madoka wasn't sure she even believed her spiel about the nostalgia monsters. She seemed like she was just trying to get away... from her.

Kyoko returned with a pitcher of tea and gumbled. "Come on! I just fixed this, and she still left? What a jerk!"

終わり


	22. WTF - Chapter 1

"UPDATES FRIDAYS."

And so it was.

Or... was supposed to be.

Out of the desert sands, a hand popped up.

That hand began struggling to pull a body out from underneath. Another emerged, and soon, a pink head of hair followed suit. And then, after another period of time, a complete head. But the sand was thick, and this person could not pull themself any further out. This person was stuck with just a head and who hands, everything else buried in the dunes.

So, dear reader, what business did we have with this pink-haired person in such a precarious situation?

"This sucks," the pink-haired person said. "This was not how I was planning on making my entrance into _Caribbean Rim_..."

But, unfortunately, it was too late for that. Being buried in sand and stuck was now forever how people were going to remember this introduction, despite its near-irrelevance to everything that would come before or after.

No, this wasn't Madoka, obviously, despite the similar hair color and glittering cartoonish eyes.

We could only guess who it was. Being a magical girl series set in Mexico, the possibilities were endless. If not Madoka... maybe it was Chibiusa?!

"Actually, it's Tatsuya Kaname," the pink-haired figure said. "Madoka Kaname's sister."

Oh crap!

And not just any Tatsuya, either. This Tatsuya was a full-grown adult, six feet tall and with a face so dashing that women and men swooned at a mere glance.

"But," Tatsuya continued. "This wasn't how I wanted to appear. I was supposed to come up in a plot twist in a story arc some time in the future, a mysterious character whose mysterious origins were slowly revealed over the course of the series. Being stuck in the sand in the middle of the desert isn't the right way to do it."

It was sad, indeed.

"The whole situation is pretty sad," Tatsuya said. "If _Caribbean Rim_ had continued updating every Friday like its description suggested, we'd have another twenty-one, twenty-two chapters, and maybe I could finally have revealed myself. But it looks like Thedude3445 got a job in Japan and is too busy with _ATL: Stories from the Retrofuture_ to work on this fan fiction that gets ten views per chapter..."

And, at least to me, the narrator, it appeared that Tatsuya Kaname might be stuck in this precarious situation for good, because it appeared increasingly unlikely that there would ever be much of a resolution to this current story.

"The saddest part about it," Tatsuya said, "is that I had such an interesting story to tell readers. It was a story about my older sister's ultimate wish that saved my life, that kept me alive even after certain doom. A story about how, without a past, a future, or any memory at all, I wandered the landscape of dead timelines, battling wraiths with a magical sword I received from a long-forgotten mentor. A story about how, after I ended up in Mexico, a group of magical girls brought me back from the brink and saved my life once again.

"This was supposed to be my story. But instead I'm just stuck in the sand."

Tatsuya was supposed to be free to tell whatever story he wanted. But... in a world without _Caribbean Rim_ , he was powerless, and could not escape the sand dunes to give his story.

"Please," Tatsuya pleaded. "Save me from dying in the desert. Free me. and I'll tell you about how Sherriff Kaname helped me save the multiverse!"


End file.
